Financial Security a Reality With New Organization
Dear Robert:
I just wanted to make you aware that a new organization called the Cache Valley Area Investors Association (CVAIA) is looking for investors to join. The CVAIA is an organization dedicated to helping people become financially stable.
The CVAIA’s goals include:
1. Help people become aware of opportunities for financial growth
2. Help people learn how to manage finances
3. Help people become financially successful
Are you available Friday, Feb. 29 between 9 a.m. and noon to discuss further details with our president?
Please let me know when would be best for you to meet with him.
Thanks,
Monica Swapp
Communications Director, CVAIA
Office Phone: 435-769-2379
E-mail: monica.swapp@aggiemail.usu.edu
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Proof read for minor grammar and spelling mistakes.
The website is: www.cvaia.com
Make sure dates are in AP Style.
AP Style is to put commas on both sides of years when they are written with a specific date.
Even though, presumably, you have an established relationship with the person you are writing to, you should still keep a professional tone in a media pitch.
I like that you asked for a specific day to meet, and that you asked "are you available" instead of "are you free". Even more effective is to offer two options for the person to choose.
Put the person's contact info right before the salutation in the beginning.
Nice to mention how this association relates not only to the person you are pitching to, but also to the readers. Making this connection explicit will help make your pitch more successful.
The association is not free, the meetings are.
You would put a date at the beginning.
I would get some more of the lead elements near the beginning: meeting every other Thursday in the Cache County Chamber of Commerce at 7 p.m., anyone can attend and it's free of charge.
Monica, great job overall I liked how you specified the goals of the organization and offered to set up and apointment to meet with the president. One thing to be awair of though. saying "Friday, Feb 29" is redudant so you can probably get rid of the Friday. Other than that though I thought it looked great.
I liked the numbered list. short, sweet, to the point. Calls to action. good.
Post a Comment